So unfortunately my new home of the last 9 days has been Queen's hospital. After unexplained fevers I was checked in and have gone through to many tests, cultures and procedures to count. I have been flooded by antibiotics, poke, prodded, and then yes finally literally had the bone marrow scraped out of me.
The rather disappointing news is that I have lymphoma. I subcutaneous lymphoma. (I'm that special 1% of lymphomas that likes to be different). We have a PET scan tomorrow that will show us any other sites or rumors that it may have traveled to. (please please please no) and are anxiously awaiting the bone marrow biopsy results to see if it's in my bones. (again please please please no).
It was a rather tearful night to say the least but we've taken a deep breath and are ready to move forward. We're praying dearly for good test results tomorrow which will determine my chemo and treatment regimen.
Meanwhile the fevers persist (hence me being awake sweating copious amounts at 3:30 am). But will hopefully ease as they have me on prednisone to stop the fevers and raise my white blood cells. (which are too low to release me in public)
The family support and thoughts and prayers from friends has been amazing and so gratefully appreciated. Here's hoping for good test results tomorrow do we can squash this sucker fast. :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
5 days of Fever
Apparently 5 days in a row of having a fever is not a good thing. Looks like a pretty big chance that I'll be checking into Queen's hospital tomorrow morning. :( Let's hope it's for shorter than they want it to be. I miss my babies already. :(
Sunday, July 15, 2012
survival mode
I actually opened a book and read in bed last night. I think we're coming out of survival mode. (or is it because Aunty Cecily has been staying with us for 2 nights?) ;)
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
3 Months
Andrew and Daniel made 3 months last week, and while that means torturing them with our monthly photo shoot it's helped me to stop and breathe for a second and appreciate what 3 months really means.
It means both boys now recognize Ryan and I, and I can tell you there is little else in the world that makes me so completely happy as seeing their face break into a full gummy grin when you bend over their crib in the morning. Actually wait - scratch that - there is one thing that makes my heart even warmer, and that's being able to make your little boys laugh. Hearing their first peels of joyful laughter makes you so astoundingly happy, forget any other accomplishment in my life Master's Degree, awards, forget it, making my little boys laugh and knowing they're responding to you fills me with more joy than I can remember or realize was possible.
3 months means both boys are much more resilient, when they're hungry they don't fall apart, but try to tell you so in various ways (complaining to their stuffed animals, sucking their fingers, then trying to eat their entire hand) before they completely come undone. They are so much more responsive in general, they love to talk (Daniel's cutest most alert time tends to be 6:30 when he cannot stop smiling and cooing at you), hold their heads up and look around.
They tend to reach their milestones and different times (Andrew smiled first, Daniel talked first, Andrew laughed first, Daniel found his hands first) but both have reached their developmental goals either at or ahead of time....EXCEPT for holding their heads up during tummy time which BOTH boys are behind in. Apparently the weight of their cheeks is holding them back (or down).
Sweat glands for both developed this past month so unfortunately our sweet smelling babies are a thing of the past (boy did that not last long)...and now we've got a couple of sweat heads. :)
Both boys are able to sleep farely regularly up to 7 hours at night, Daniel tends to need to feed earlier, or we'd be hitting 8 consistently. The boys have also wised up to the bottle vs. breast and do NOT like to take the bottle when Mommy is around. :) Sweet, but also just a little difficult and frustrating when Daddy is trying to give a bottle which they're refusing to take (even if I'm not there!)
Couple big changes coming soon. Daycare starts in a week or 2, which initially (I won't lie) I was looking forward to with a sigh of relief, and now I look at and sigh with sadness. It'll be hard to have someone else take care of our sweet little boys. I also can't see how we'll be able to let them sleep much longer together as Andrew is such a squirmer in his sleep. He loves moving closer to Daniel, but is getting to the point where their legs are intertwined or he's in Daniel's side or smashed against him. :)
All in all, we've gotten more used to the limited sleep, loving life, loving our little boys and trying to enjoy all these precious moments as they're growing so very fast.
It means both boys now recognize Ryan and I, and I can tell you there is little else in the world that makes me so completely happy as seeing their face break into a full gummy grin when you bend over their crib in the morning. Actually wait - scratch that - there is one thing that makes my heart even warmer, and that's being able to make your little boys laugh. Hearing their first peels of joyful laughter makes you so astoundingly happy, forget any other accomplishment in my life Master's Degree, awards, forget it, making my little boys laugh and knowing they're responding to you fills me with more joy than I can remember or realize was possible.
3 months means both boys are much more resilient, when they're hungry they don't fall apart, but try to tell you so in various ways (complaining to their stuffed animals, sucking their fingers, then trying to eat their entire hand) before they completely come undone. They are so much more responsive in general, they love to talk (Daniel's cutest most alert time tends to be 6:30 when he cannot stop smiling and cooing at you), hold their heads up and look around.
They tend to reach their milestones and different times (Andrew smiled first, Daniel talked first, Andrew laughed first, Daniel found his hands first) but both have reached their developmental goals either at or ahead of time....EXCEPT for holding their heads up during tummy time which BOTH boys are behind in. Apparently the weight of their cheeks is holding them back (or down).
Sweat glands for both developed this past month so unfortunately our sweet smelling babies are a thing of the past (boy did that not last long)...and now we've got a couple of sweat heads. :)
Both boys are able to sleep farely regularly up to 7 hours at night, Daniel tends to need to feed earlier, or we'd be hitting 8 consistently. The boys have also wised up to the bottle vs. breast and do NOT like to take the bottle when Mommy is around. :) Sweet, but also just a little difficult and frustrating when Daddy is trying to give a bottle which they're refusing to take (even if I'm not there!)
Couple big changes coming soon. Daycare starts in a week or 2, which initially (I won't lie) I was looking forward to with a sigh of relief, and now I look at and sigh with sadness. It'll be hard to have someone else take care of our sweet little boys. I also can't see how we'll be able to let them sleep much longer together as Andrew is such a squirmer in his sleep. He loves moving closer to Daniel, but is getting to the point where their legs are intertwined or he's in Daniel's side or smashed against him. :)
All in all, we've gotten more used to the limited sleep, loving life, loving our little boys and trying to enjoy all these precious moments as they're growing so very fast.
