under the knife

so i go back under the knife tomorrow at 1...mostly cosmetic when it comes down to it, and not really a knife at all, but some laser thing...but something that i guess should be done before i move home. the thing is that these are normally a walk in the park for me. i've had so many ivs in my life that i can't even count the # of times. needles? fine. stitches? fine. cauterizing-burning flesh-searing pain? fine. well usually. the first three times were fine, but this time seems different...and i think what it comes down to is just not being able to hear mom's voice when it's done. it's not a big deal. it's only an hour and a half surgery. they're sedating me this time so it won't be as uncomfortable with all the scar tissue. it's just harder now...and hospitals are harder...and i've never ever had trouble with hospitals before, and never understood people who did. and now i feel like one of those people. someone who gets anxious at the thought of ivs and needles and a surgery that should be minor...a surgery that i could always take in stride.

but i guess that's what life is now. it's different. and it's learning to be strong without mom. and leaning on the wonderful family and friends that i'm so grateful to have. heh...especially like my sister who just finished her fifth dozen of cookies at an attempt to bake my favorite recipe so she could bring it over tomorrow. (turns out the key step of freeze the dough was left out)

oh and sorry to disappoint - although ryan suggested it, there will be no pictures of my swollen eye on any of our blogs tomorrow. ;)

Bud

My favorite neighbor is this warm, sweet little old man across the street who loved to chat about life, his flowers, his cats, the old days when he was young...and called me 'sweetheart' and Ryan 'your honey'. We just learned he passed away on Wednesday...and suddenly I'm just so unaccountably sad that I'm going to drive down to the water for a walk.

I had a good long talk with Dad the other day about life...and this is the part I just don't understand...and probably never will.

38 years

Thirty-eight years from now, if my children feel half of the love, respect and admiration that I have for my mom & dad, then I wouldn't be able to ask for anything more.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.

never gets old

It never gets old. It doesn't matter that I've lived in Seattle for 15 years now. When you look up in the sky and these huge white flakes are swirling around you, this bubble of hysterical giddiness rises in your chest and you can't help but scream,

"SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!"

Yes, it snowed in Seattle tonight. ;) Oh and did I mention that not only did it snow tonight, but Monday was SO beautiful in Seattle (bright blue, sunny, gorgeous) that I left work early to run over to surprise Monica and Maya (my flower girl) with our first slurpee of the season, as is our annual tradition to open the warm weather of spring. Little did I know leaving 7-11 and reading the digital temperature reader board that it was in the mid 40's!!!! :) That's also what 15 years in Seattle will bring you: 40 degree slurpee weather, and then 2 days later SNOW. ;)


Things I'll miss about Seattle:

• The beautiful, magical wonder of snow falling from the sky

invasion of privacy

A student came down to me upset because her classmate read her diary, then showed it to other boys in her class. She stormed downstairs to talk to me and in our talking gave me my favorite quote of the week:

"He invaded MY privacy, so I'm gonna invade HIS privacy WITH MY FIST!"

St. Paddy's Day

Sometimes you want to go,
Where everybody knows your name...
And they're always glad you ca-a-ame...

Okay, fine, so it wasn't Cheers that we went to. But it was a neighborhood bar. It was an Irish Bar, and it was the perfect place to sit, listen to the fiddle and have a Guinness for our last St. Patrick's day in Seattle. EVERYONE is Irish on St. Paddy's day. Even us.

Things I'll miss about Seattle:

• old neighborhood bars with heavy shiny wooden counters & brick walls
• starving artist/musicians playing on the curb with open cases for money

Things I won't miss about Seattle:

• being the only 2 minorities in a room out of 100+ people!

Out of Shape

You know you're out of shape when your husband says, "Whoa you're turning bright pink." And then you start choking on the build up of phlegm that coats your throat (as often happens when running in the cold on the mainland), and when you take a break your legs feel like lead, your head is pounding, and your neck feels like it's about to snap.

Did I mention that's only after 5 minutes of running?

Things I won't miss about Seattle:

• phlegm coated throat that makes it hard to breathe when exercising
• wearing 3 layers of clothing to run

Things I will miss about Seattle:

• daffodils blooming
• Greenlake Park

Dorky Board Games

Laughter and good company are great medicine after a hard week. Especially when shared over a board game with your sister (dustin & rye too).

Not Another Blogger - Welcome to My Page

Yes, I've succumbed. I've sat on this for weeks, I've sat on this for days...and I've decided to join the ranks. I'm blogging.

But I'm not just another blogger. I'm me. Don't check here daily. Check my sister's site for that, she'll be better at that than me.

This isn't an update on my life. It's insight to my life.

Read me or don't read me. I won't take offense. ;)

Here's my reason for blogging:

What I realized recently is that I haven't been as good at talking, at communicating or keeping in touch unless your my dad, ryan or cec. To say that the last 9 months have been difficult is as ineloquent and as understated as you can possibly get. But I think for the first few months of those I was good at least at talking about how things were going. That's gotten harder...and I don't know why. I think in part it's because it's just harder to 'go there'. I think in part it's because we're learning to live again. I think in part it's because it's been 9 months and for some reason I don't have the energy to do what I did at 4, 5 or 6.

What I do know is I want to reach out again. What I do know is that I feel like sharing. What I do know is that I still miss Mom and if writing my little anecdotes and insights and sending it out to the great unknown blank blog-sphere helps me through this current phase, then that's what I'll do.

So welcome to my blog. Welcome to me and my mind. Welcome to my jouney back home as Ryan and I enjoy our last 3 months in Seattle. Welcome to http://www.seatohi.blogspot.com/.