under the knife

so i go back under the knife tomorrow at 1...mostly cosmetic when it comes down to it, and not really a knife at all, but some laser thing...but something that i guess should be done before i move home. the thing is that these are normally a walk in the park for me. i've had so many ivs in my life that i can't even count the # of times. needles? fine. stitches? fine. cauterizing-burning flesh-searing pain? fine. well usually. the first three times were fine, but this time seems different...and i think what it comes down to is just not being able to hear mom's voice when it's done. it's not a big deal. it's only an hour and a half surgery. they're sedating me this time so it won't be as uncomfortable with all the scar tissue. it's just harder now...and hospitals are harder...and i've never ever had trouble with hospitals before, and never understood people who did. and now i feel like one of those people. someone who gets anxious at the thought of ivs and needles and a surgery that should be minor...a surgery that i could always take in stride.

but i guess that's what life is now. it's different. and it's learning to be strong without mom. and leaning on the wonderful family and friends that i'm so grateful to have. heh...especially like my sister who just finished her fifth dozen of cookies at an attempt to bake my favorite recipe so she could bring it over tomorrow. (turns out the key step of freeze the dough was left out)

oh and sorry to disappoint - although ryan suggested it, there will be no pictures of my swollen eye on any of our blogs tomorrow. ;)