We see Andrew for the last time today and say goodbye to him tomorrow. I know in my heart that his spirit isn't in the little body we'll see...yet I'm so filled with this overwhelming grief and sorrow it's hard to breathe...I don't want to get out of bed and face this day. I don't want to have to say goodbye. I want to whine and cry and yell and complain...but Andrew wouldn't want us to. And Daniel is sleeping quietly beside me silently trying to mend my heart that feels like it will never be whole.
I can do this. I know I can. One minute at a time. We've gotten thru one week. I will get thru this day.
(sigh) that sounded so much stronger than I feel...but I know it's true.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Please
Please, please Mom. Please give me the strength I need to get thru this. Losing you was the hardest days of my life... and my heart feels like its broken into a million more pieces. I'm not sure how to do this. I'm not sure where to find the strength. I'm not sure how my heart will ever heal.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Support
Support comes in so many shapes and forms...and if there's any silver lining to being diagnosed with cancer, it's that suddenly you realize that you have people standing behind you, beside you, forging ahead of you and holding your hand and you know you're not alone in this fight.
Saturday was a good day. Support came in the form of Uncle Al and Aunty Pat taking the boys so we could breathe a little. Our intention had been to come home, take a nap (Stacy), clean, do the piles of laundry, dishes, everything that's been stacking up for weeks (Ryan). Instead thanks to Uncle Al's encouragement we went to see a movie, had lunch and followed it up with ice cream. I came home exhausted but felt worlds and worlds more like me. :)
Not only that but came home to this:
A huge box full of formula. Yes extremely exciting for a Mommy of 2 babies. From who? From Cecily's Support Group. A close intimate group of her friends who (i would love to call my friends as well) know about our fight against cancer, know I've given up breast feeding...and who not only understood, but actually did something about it and sent us a great supply of formula that will help immensely with the boys. It's bringing tears to my eyes again just writing about it. Nursing was so hard to give up, and it feels so good to not only be understood, but on top of that to receive such a thoughtful gift. It's completely heart warming. Support comes in so many ways and often unexpected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, to Cec's support group who read this blog. Thank you to Uncle Al and Aunty Pat for being there for us and letting us breathe a little this weekend.
Saturday was a good day. Support came in the form of Uncle Al and Aunty Pat taking the boys so we could breathe a little. Our intention had been to come home, take a nap (Stacy), clean, do the piles of laundry, dishes, everything that's been stacking up for weeks (Ryan). Instead thanks to Uncle Al's encouragement we went to see a movie, had lunch and followed it up with ice cream. I came home exhausted but felt worlds and worlds more like me. :)
Not only that but came home to this:
A huge box full of formula. Yes extremely exciting for a Mommy of 2 babies. From who? From Cecily's Support Group. A close intimate group of her friends who (i would love to call my friends as well) know about our fight against cancer, know I've given up breast feeding...and who not only understood, but actually did something about it and sent us a great supply of formula that will help immensely with the boys. It's bringing tears to my eyes again just writing about it. Nursing was so hard to give up, and it feels so good to not only be understood, but on top of that to receive such a thoughtful gift. It's completely heart warming. Support comes in so many ways and often unexpected.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, to Cec's support group who read this blog. Thank you to Uncle Al and Aunty Pat for being there for us and letting us breathe a little this weekend.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
3:00 in the Miyashiro Nursery
Thankfully this was a rare night, not a lot of ZZZs for Mommy & Daddy, but it was a rather amusing night, and the boys were certainly having fun.
I tried to just take a video of the sound in the bedroom of them squealing and talking to themselves, but the video of the monitor worked just as well since you can see the boys and measure of sound. (when the lights above go red) Let's hope for a better night tonight. :)
I tried to just take a video of the sound in the bedroom of them squealing and talking to themselves, but the video of the monitor worked just as well since you can see the boys and measure of sound. (when the lights above go red) Let's hope for a better night tonight. :)
