at a loss

i sat here for a while this morning. knowing that i wanted to write, but not knowing what to say...usually the words come freely...but today i'm at a loss.

today is June 3rd...and like your birthday when you open your eyes in the morning and know what day it is and that somehow it's significant... i will always wake up on June 3rd and know that today is the day we lost mom...

...and after writing it that way it sounds a little harder then i intended, yet true...but today will always be a day for me of reflection...of tears...of missing mom more so than i already do.

it was easier opening my eyes this morning and thinking of mom then it was last year...and i know that somehow it will be easier opening my eyes next year, then it was today.

it feels like a lifetime ago that she left us...and i think she would be proud of how far we've come and how we've grown. she would be proud of cec and how she held her head up high and walked through cancer like it was a breeze, and hug dustin and tell her she was happy that he was a part of our family. she would smile at dad and tell him that life is what we make of it, that she knows change is part of it, and she would be proud of where he is and that though what he's doing now is hard, it's right...and ryan and i? i still hear her thoughts every day in my head, but i know how proud she'd be of what we've done with our house, and then she'd laugh and say we have too many things and that we have our work cut out for us.

i love you Mom. i love you more than words can say. and miss you more than words can describe.

thank you for all you've taught me. thank you for all you've given me. thank you for helping to make me who i am.

love, stace