one year

In half an hour it's June 3rd. Which means exactly one year ago today we were at the hospital with my mom...surrounded by family and friends, and unconditional love and support....and we were holding her hand for the very last time.

I can't decide whether the past 12 months feels like a lifetime ago...or if they feel like yesterday. I know I still have good days and bad. I know my bad days have become fewer...and I know life has continued...inexplicably...but somehow it has, without mom.

I know I miss her like we lost her yesterday. I know that there's not a day that goes by that the ache in my heart doesn't hurt. But I know that I can go days without crying now, and I know that I'm laughing again, real laughter...and smiling again, real smiles...and though there are times, like now when it feels so wrong to be living life without her...I know it's what she would want...and I know, that I have to believe that she's smiling down on us, and that she's proud.

And there's just no way to put into words how grateful I am to have had her, how blessed I feel to have had every day with her...which is why we miss her so.

We love you so much Mom and can't describe how much we miss you.